Shrekking and the Myth of the “Lower League”

The internet has found a new way to turn romance into a ranking. It’s worth asking whether anyone is winning.

Somewhere between the curated dating profile and the viral thread about romantic “leagues”, dating has picked up a scoreboard. The latest entry is “Shrekking”: deliberately choosing a partner seen as less conventionally attractive, in the hope of being adored a little more and treated a little better.

It’s a tidy idea, which is probably why it spreads. It’s also a strange one. It takes the most unpredictable human experience there is and reduces it to a transaction, with looks as currency and devotion as the return.

Alex Tam, Group CEO of Paktor and offline matchmaking service GaiGai, isn’t buying it. “Two people do not need to fit society’s idea of an equally matched couple to build a meaningful relationship,” he says. “What matters is whether they appreciate one another, share compatible values and are genuinely willing to invest in the relationship.”

The trouble with Shrekking starts with its assumption that a partner who is less conventionally attractive will be more committed, more grateful and more secure. Nothing supports that. Attraction is personal, and what one person finds magnetic, another walks past. A fixed league table of desirability only works if everyone agrees on the rankings, and no one does.

Tam goes further. “Choosing a partner because you believe you have an advantage over them can distract you from the qualities that actually make a relationship work,” he says. The point lands. A relationship built on leverage is a negotiation, not a partnership. And when one person is quietly counting on the other’s gratitude, the dynamic tilts towards validation and control, away from affection and respect.

None of this means looks don’t matter. They do, and GaiGai doesn’t ask anyone to pretend otherwise. The problem is the rigid checklist, where appearance and social expectation filter out people long before their character has had a chance to show. The qualities that tend to carry a relationship over years, such as how someone communicates, whether they’re emotionally available, what they want from life and where they see the future, rarely show up in a first glance.

So what’s the alternative? It starts with knowing what you want, as opposed to what your feed has told you to want. It means treating mutual respect as non-negotiable, and giving people room to show you who they are before you decide who they are. Above all, it means looking for connection rather than obsession. The goal isn’t a partner who is more likely to fixate on you. It’s one who shares your values, respects you and returns what you feel.

Viral trends make for entertaining conversation, and Shrekking is no exception. But they flatten something that is rarely flat. For anyone looking for something lasting, the useful question was never whether you and your partner are in the same league. It’s whether you’re right for each other.

GaiGai’s own answer is to slow the process down. It says it takes time to understand members’ preferences, personalities and relationship goals before making any introductions, and that its matchmaking has arranged more than 18,000 dates. Those who want to know more can visit letsgaigai.com.